Etiquette of Honouring Parents in the Quran & Sunnah

1. Do good to parents.

Allah says:

وَقَضَىٰ رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوا إِلَّا إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا

And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and to parents, good treatment. (Surah al-Isra 17:23–24)

Further on, Allah says that if one or both of them reach old age with you, do not say even “uff” to them, nor scold them, but speak to them with honour.

Lesson: Speaking to parents in a gentle tone, listening to them, and not disrespecting them even in disagreement are part of good treatment of them. Taking care of even their small needs is also included.

2. Show humility and courtesy toward parents.

Allah says:

وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ

And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy. (Surah al-Isra 17:24)

In the same verse this dua is also taught for parents:

رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small. (Surah al-Isra 17:24)

Lesson: The verse teaches gentleness, humility and respect toward parents. This dua is a short and comprehensive prayer for them, and understanding its meaning is beneficial.

3. Remember the hardships and sacrifices of the mother.

Allah says:

حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ كُرْهًا وَوَضَعَتْهُ كُرْهًا

His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship. (Surah al-Ahqaf 46:15)

The same verse states that the period of carrying and weaning is thirty months.

Lesson: The verse draws attention to the mother’s hardships in pregnancy, childbirth and upbringing. Caring for her comfort, health and needs, and sharing in her service where possible, is a way of remembering these sacrifices.

4. Be grateful to parents.

Allah says:

أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ

Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the final destination. (Surah Luqman 31:14)

Lesson: The verse teaches not to regard parents’ effort as small. Their favours are acknowledged through service, respect and dua for them.

5. Observe the limits of the Sharia in obeying parents.

Allah says that if parents strive to make a person associate partners with Him, they are not to be obeyed in that, but they are to be accompanied in this world with kindness.

(Surah Luqman 31:15)

The same subject is also explained in Surah al-Ankabut 29:8.

Lesson: Respect for parents and good treatment of them are necessary, but they are not obeyed in disobedience to Allah. Even in refusing, rudeness and disrespect are to be avoided.

6. Keep making dua for parents.

Allah taught:

رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small. (Surah al-Isra 17:24)

Lesson: Dua for parents is made during their lifetime, and after their death forgiveness and mercy are also sought for them from Allah.

1. Give the greatest importance to good treatment of the mother.

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that a man asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ who is most deserving of his good companionship. He ﷺ said:

«أُمُّكَ»

Your mother.

The man asked: then who? He ﷺ said: your mother. He asked again, and he ﷺ said: your mother. The third time he again said: your mother. Then, the fourth time, he said: your father.

Lesson: These narrations make clear the special right of the mother in good treatment of parents. Her service, needs, comfort and feelings deserve particular care, while the father’s right and respect are also to be fulfilled fully.

2. Regard service to parents among the best of deeds.

Abdullah ibn Masud (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that he asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ which deed is most beloved to Allah. He ﷺ said:

«الصَّلَاةُ عَلَى وَقْتِهَا»

Prayer at its proper time.

He asked: then which? He ﷺ said:

«ثُمَّ بِرُّ الْوَالِدَيْنِ»

Then good treatment of parents.

Lesson: Service to parents is a deed of great virtue, but it is not a substitute for obligatory religious duties such as prayer. Rights and duties are fulfilled in their Sharia order.

3. Strive especially in the service of parents.

Abdullah ibn Amr (may Allah be pleased with them) reported that a man came to the Messenger of Allah ﷺ asking permission to take part in jihad. He ﷺ asked whether his parents were alive. The man said yes. He ﷺ said:

«فَفِيهِمَا فَجَاهِدْ»

Then strive in their service.

Lesson: When parents need a person’s service, presence or care, their rights are to be taken seriously. This hadith came in answer to a question about permission for voluntary jihad on a particular occasion; it is not an unconditional ruling about all responsibilities.

4. Disobedience to parents is a major sin.

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ mentioned among the major sins associating partners with Allah, killing unjustly, and disobedience to parents.

«الْإِشْرَاكُ بِاللَّهِ ... وَعُقُوقُ الْوَالِدَيْنِ»

Associating partners with Allah ... and disobedience to parents.

In another narration too, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ counted disobedience to parents among the major sins.

Lesson: Deliberately hurting parents, withholding their rightful dues and mistreating them is a serious sin. However, every disagreement with parents cannot automatically be called “uquq”; the nature of the matter and the Sharia ruling are important.

5. Avoid cursing parents.

Abdullah ibn Amr (may Allah be pleased with them) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ counted cursing one’s parents among the major sins. The Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) asked how a man could curse his own parents. He ﷺ explained that he curses another man’s father, and that man curses his father in return; he curses another man’s mother, and that man curses his mother in return.

Lesson: One should not create, through one’s words and behaviour, situations in which one’s parents are exposed to abuse or insult. Cursing the parents of others is also forbidden.

6. Avoid disobedience to mothers in particular.

Al-Mughirah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that Allah has forbidden disobedience to mothers, withholding what is due to others, demanding what one has no right to, and burying daughters alive.

Lesson: The prohibition of disobedience to mothers is clear in this hadith, and it is understood together with the general command of good treatment of parents. Care is needed especially in service to the mother and in fulfilling her rightful dues.

7. Serve parents in their old age.

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that the one who found one or both of his parents in old age and did not enter Paradise through serving them is deprived.

Lesson: In the old age of parents, their health, needs, time, financial support and emotional comfort deserve particular attention. Taking part in their care when they are ill or weak is a great good deed.

8. The pleasure of parents and the pleasure of Allah.

Abdullah ibn Amr (may Allah be pleased with them) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«رِضَا الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَا الْوَالِدِ، وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ»

The pleasure of the Lord is in the pleasure of the father, and the displeasure of the Lord is in the displeasure of the father.

Important clarification: This hadith is understood together with the Quranic rulings that forbid obeying parents in disobedience to Allah. If the parents’ displeasure arises from not fulfilling an impermissible demand, the mere displeasure does not make that act permissible.

9. Understand the status of the father.

Abu al-Darda (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«الْوَالِدُ أَوْسَطُ أَبْوَابِ الْجَنَّةِ»

The father is the middle gate of Paradise.

Lesson: Respect, service and keeping ties with the father are an important good deed. The virtue does not mean that all of the father’s demands, whether permissible or not, must necessarily be accepted.

10. Be good even to non-Muslim parents.

Asma bint Abi Bakr (may Allah be pleased with them) reported that her mother came to her while she was a polytheist. Asma asked the Messenger of Allah ﷺ whether she should keep ties with her. He ﷺ said:

«نَعَمْ، صِلِي أُمَّكِ»

Yes, maintain ties with your mother.

Lesson: A parent being non-Muslim does not end permissible good treatment, relations and help toward them. However, obedience is not given in shirk or any other sinful matter, as explained in Surah Luqman 31:15.

11. Take care of the financial needs of parents.

Abdullah ibn Amr (may Allah be pleased with them) reported that a man complained about his father, who spends from his wealth. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«أَنْتَ وَمَالُكَ لِوَالِدِكَ»

You and your wealth belong to your father.

Juristic note: This hadith is not to be taken to mean that the father has the right to take all of his children’s wealth unconditionally. Scholars have explained the details of parents’ needs, children’s rights, harm and financial rulings. For a practical matter, guidance should be taken from a reliable mufti.

12. Keep making dua for parents even after their death.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«إِذَا مَاتَ الْإِنْسَانُ انْقَطَعَ عَنْهُ عَمَلُهُ إِلَّا مِنْ ثَلَاثَةٍ ... أَوْ وَلَدٍ صَالِحٍ يَدْعُو لَهُ»

When a person dies, his deeds come to an end except for three ... or a righteous child who makes dua for him.

The three things are ongoing charity, knowledge from which people benefit, and the dua of a righteous child.

The Quranic dua for parents:

رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا

My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small. (Surah al-Isra 17:24)

Lesson: After the death of parents, seeking forgiveness and mercy for them is a way of continuing good treatment. Permissible good deeds and charity on their behalf can be done according to Sharia guidance.