Etiquette of Dealing with Others (Mu’amalat) in the Quran & Sunnah

1. Deal with others with justice and excellence.

Allah says:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُ بِالْعَدْلِ وَالْإِحْسَانِ وَإِيتَاءِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ

Indeed, Allah commands justice, good conduct and giving to relatives. (Surah an-Nahl 16:90)

Further on in the verse, Allah forbids immorality, wrongdoing and transgression.

Practical lesson: This teaches us to give people their rights, to be just, and where possible to do good as well, rather than being content with merely giving what is due.

2. Be just even with those you disagree with.

Allah says:

وَلَا يَجْرِمَنَّكُمْ شَنَآنُ قَوْمٍ عَلَىٰ أَلَّا تَعْدِلُوا ۚ اعْدِلُوا هُوَ أَقْرَبُ لِلتَّقْوَىٰ

Let not the hatred of a people prevent you from being just. Be just; that is nearer to piety. (Surah al-Ma’idah 5:8)

Practical lesson: This teaches us that even with a person one disagrees with, is upset with or has enmity with, his rights must not be violated; justice is necessary not only with friends but with every person.

3. Make peace between Muslims.

Allah says:

إِنَّمَا الْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ فَأَصْلِحُوا بَيْنَ أَخَوَيْكُمْ

The believers are but brothers, so make settlement between your brothers. (Surah al-Hujurat 49:10)

Practical lesson: This teaches us that when two people have a dispute, rather than fanning the fire, escalating the matter or carrying one person’s words to the other and causing discord, peace should be made between them with justice.

4. Do not mock anyone or call people by bad nicknames.

Allah says:

لَا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِنْ قَوْمٍ

Let not a people ridicule another people. (Surah al-Hujurat 49:11)

The same verse also forbids faulting one another and calling each other by offensive names.

Practical lesson: This teaches us not to make fun of anyone’s colour, appearance, poverty, family, language, physical weakness or mistake, and not to give names that cause him pain.

5. Avoid suspicion, spying and backbiting.

Allah says:

اجْتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِنَ الظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ الظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا وَلَا يَغْتَبْ بَعْضُكُمْ بَعْضًا

Avoid much suspicion; indeed, some suspicion is sin. And do not spy, and do not backbite one another. (Surah al-Hujurat 49:12)

Practical lesson: This teaches us not to form a bad opinion of someone without evidence, not to probe into his private affairs, and not to spread his faults in his absence.

6. Speak good and better words.

Allah says:

وَقُلْ لِعِبَادِي يَقُولُوا الَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ

And tell My servants to say that which is best. (Surah al-Isra 17:53)

Practical lesson: This teaches us to use good words in conversation instead of harshness, contempt and provocation, and, when there is disagreement, to adopt language that makes the point clear and does not increase hatred.

7. Swallow your anger and forgive.

Describing the righteous, Allah says:

وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ

Those who restrain anger and who pardon people. (Surah Al ‘Imran 3:134)

Practical lesson: This teaches us, in anger, not to abuse, curse, slander or make a decision that will be regretted later. The virtue of forgiveness stands, but protecting oneself from oppression and taking a rightful claim is also necessary.

8. Fulfil promises and agreements.

Allah says:

وَأَوْفُوا بِالْعَهْدِ إِنَّ الْعَهْدَ كَانَ مَسْئُولًا

And fulfil the covenant; indeed, the covenant will be questioned about. (Surah al-Isra 17:34)

Practical lesson: This teaches us to try to fulfil a promise made to someone, and, if a genuine difficulty arises, to inform him in time rather than keep him waiting by telling a lie.

9. Return trusts to those entitled to them.

Allah says:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَنْ تُؤَدُّوا الْأَمَانَاتِ إِلَىٰ أَهْلِهَا

Indeed, Allah commands you to render trusts to their owners. (Surah an-Nisa 4:58)

Further on, Allah also commands justice when judging between people.

Practical lesson: A person’s wealth, secret, responsibility or something entrusted to you can be a trust. Protect it from betrayal and return it to the owner or the one entitled to it.

10. Show good treatment to parents, relatives, orphans and neighbours.

Allah says:

وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا وَبِذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْيَتَامَىٰ وَالْمَسَاكِينِ وَالْجَارِ ذِي الْقُرْبَىٰ وَالْجَارِ الْجُنُبِ

And to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the neighbour who is near and the neighbour who is a stranger. (Surah an-Nisa 4:36)

Practical lesson: This teaches us not to limit good treatment to one’s own friends, and to take care of the rights of the weak and needy people in the family, the neighbourhood and society as well.

1. Keep others safe from your tongue and hand.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«الْمُسْلِمُ مَنْ سَلِمَ الْمُسْلِمُونَ مِنْ لِسَانِهِ وَيَدِهِ»

A Muslim is one from whose tongue and hand other Muslims are safe.

In a similar narration the Prophet ﷺ said that the believer is the one from whom people feel safe regarding their lives and wealth.

Practical lesson: This teaches us to avoid abuse, threats, foul language, violence, deceit and violating the rights of others.

2. Like for others what you like for yourself.

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«لَا يُؤْمِنُ أَحَدُكُمْ حَتَّى يُحِبَّ لِأَخِيهِ مَا يُحِبُّ لِنَفْسِهِ»

None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.

Practical lesson: If you like truthfulness, respect and justice for yourself, give the same to others. If you do not like deceit or oppression for yourself, do not do it to others either.

3. Do not wrong anyone or abandon him without help.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«الْمُسْلِمُ أَخُو الْمُسْلِمِ لَا يَظْلِمُهُ وَلَا يُسْلِمُهُ»

A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim; he does not wrong him and does not leave him without help.

The same hadith also mentions the virtue of fulfilling another’s need, relieving his difficulty and concealing his faults.

Practical lesson: Helping an oppressed or needy person wherever possible is a requirement of Islamic brotherhood.

4. Help the wrongdoer by stopping him from wrongdoing.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«انْصُرْ أَخَاكَ ظَالِمًا أَوْ مَظْلُومًا»

Help your brother, whether he is the wrongdoer or the wronged.

The Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) said that helping the wronged is understandable, but how is the wrongdoer to be helped? He ﷺ said: by preventing him from wrongdoing.

Practical lesson: Supporting a friend or relative does not mean supporting every mistake of his. If he is wronging someone, stopping him with justice is also helping him.

5. Adopt the habit of speaking the truth.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«إِنَّ الصِّدْقَ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْبِرِّ وَإِنَّ الْبِرَّ يَهْدِي إِلَى الْجَنَّةِ»

Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise.

The hadith also warns about the evil end of lying.

Practical lesson: This teaches us to adopt truthfulness in conversation, promises, testimony and financial dealings, and to avoid lying for a momentary benefit.

6. Avoid betrayal of trust and breaking promises.

Describing the signs of the hypocrite, the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that when he speaks he lies, when he promises he breaks it, and when he is entrusted he betrays.

Practical lesson: Understand this hadith as a means of holding yourself to account. It is not correct to label a particular person a hypocrite because of a single mistake; here a severe warning is given against these bad qualities.

7. Say something good or keep silent.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«فَلْيَقُلْ خَيْرًا أَوْ لِيَصْمُتْ»

Let him speak good or keep silent.

This teaching comes in the hadith that also stresses honouring the guest and maintaining family ties.

Practical lesson: This teaches us to consider, before speaking, whether the statement is beneficial or will merely hurt someone, and to avoid unnecessary argument, taunting and pointless quarrels.

8. Adopt gentleness and good manners.

Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«إِنَّ الرِّفْقَ لَا يَكُونُ فِي شَيْءٍ إِلَّا زَانَهُ، وَلَا يُنْزَعُ مِنْ شَيْءٍ إِلَّا شَانَهُ»

Gentleness is not found in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it makes it defective.

Practical lesson: This teaches us to adopt gentleness in disagreements, advice, family matters and correcting others’ mistakes. Gentleness does not mean leaving the truth unsaid, but saying it in a suitable manner.

9. Show mercy to people.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«مَنْ لَا يَرْحَمُ النَّاسَ لَا يَرْحَمْهُ اللَّهُ»

Whoever does not show mercy to people, Allah will not show mercy to him.

Practical lesson: This teaches us to treat the weak, the sick, the elderly, children and the needy with mercy and gentleness, and not to take unfair advantage of someone’s helplessness.

10. Feel the pain of others as your own.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ likened the believers, in their mutual love, mercy and compassion, to one body: if one part suffers, the whole body shares in sleeplessness and fever.

Practical lesson: This teaches us not to be insensitive to the troubles of others, and, according to one’s ability, to offer help, encouragement or suitable guidance.

11. Avoid suspicion, envy, spying and enmity.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«إِيَّاكُمْ وَالظَّنَّ فَإِنَّ الظَّنَّ أَكْذَبُ الْحَدِيثِ»

Beware of suspicion, for suspicion is the most false of speech.

The same hadith forbids prying into one another, spying, envying, bearing enmity and cutting off relations.

Practical lesson: This teaches us not to pass judgment on anyone without evidence, not to spy on his private life, and not to let envy become a cause of damaged relationships.

12. Do not look down on others.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that a Muslim should not wrong his brother, humiliate him or look down on him. Then he ﷺ said that it is enough evil for a person that he looks down on his Muslim brother.

Practical lesson: This teaches us not to consider anyone inferior on the basis of wealth, family, language, education, clothing or social status. A person’s outward standing is not the complete measure of his true worth.

13. Avoid backbiting and slander.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ asked the Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) whether they knew what backbiting is. Then he said that it is mentioning your brother in a manner he dislikes. If what is said is actually in him, it is backbiting; if it is not in him, it is slander.

Clarification: in some situations, such as making a complaint, reporting wrongdoing, seeking a fatwa, or telling the relevant person something necessary to protect someone from harm, it may be permissible to speak; the limits of the Sharia and the intention must be kept in view.

Practical lesson: This teaches us not to mention a person’s faults in his absence in a way he would dislike. If the statement is false, the matter is even more serious, because it is slander.

14. Avoid taunting, cursing and foul language.

Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«لَيْسَ الْمُؤْمِنُ بِالطَّعَّانِ وَلَا اللَّعَّانِ وَلَا الْفَاحِشِ وَلَا الْبَذِيءِ»

The believer is not one who taunts, curses, is obscene or is foul-mouthed.

Practical lesson: This teaches us to avoid abuse, cursing, obscenity and contemptuous language even during disagreement.

15. Control your anger.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ advised a man:

«لَا تَغْضَبْ»

Do not become angry.

The man asked for advice repeatedly, and each time the Prophet ﷺ said only this.

In another hadith he ﷺ said that the truly strong person is not the one who throws others down in wrestling, but the one who controls himself when angry.

Practical lesson: Feeling anger is a human state; the real training is that a person does not, under its influence, commit oppression, abusive speech or a harmful decision.

16. Relieve people of their difficulties.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that whoever relieves a believer of one of the distresses of this world, Allah will relieve him of one of the distresses of the Day of Resurrection.

The same hadith also mentions the virtue of giving ease to one in hardship, concealing a Muslim’s faults, and helping one’s brother.

Important clarification: concealing faults means refraining from spreading people’s unnecessary slips. Hiding oppression, ongoing wrongdoing, deceit or a danger of harm to others, and withholding the right of the affected person, is not the aim of this virtue.

Practical lesson: Listening to someone’s problem, giving correct guidance, helping financially or supporting him in time of need can be a great good deed.

17. Give advice with sincere well-wishing.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

«الدِّينُ النَّصِيحَةُ»

Religion is sincere advice.

The Companions (may Allah be pleased with them) asked: for whom? He ﷺ said: for Allah, His Book, His Messenger, the leaders of the Muslims and the common Muslims.

Practical lesson: This teaches us that when correcting someone, it should be done with sincerity, knowledge and a suitable manner; the aim should not be to humiliate him but to guide him toward good and correctness.

18. Spread the greeting of salam.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that you will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Then he ﷺ said: shall I not tell you something that, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread the greeting of salam among yourselves.

Practical lesson: Greeting people when you meet them, replying to the greeting and treating them cheerfully is a sunnah way of improving relationships.

19. Do small good deeds to help others.

Abu Dharr (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that smiling at your brother, enjoining good, forbidding evil, guiding a person who has lost his way, and removing a harmful thing from the road are all charity.

Practical lesson: Doing good does not always require a large sum or a big deed. Good advice, guidance, a smile and small help are also good deeds.

20. Be just between people.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that judging justly between two people is charity. In the same hadith he also counted a good word and removing a harmful thing from the road as charity.

Practical lesson: This teaches us, when resolving a dispute between two people, to support truth and justice rather than taking sides, and not to deny one person his right because of friendship with the other.