Etiquette of Brotherhood & Friendship in the Quran & Sunnah

1. The believers are only brothers — so make peace between your brothers.

Allah says:

إِنَّمَا ٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ إِخْوَةٌ فَأَصْلِحُوا۟ بَيْنَ أَخَوَيْكُمْ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُرْحَمُونَ

All believers are but brothers, therefore seek reconciliation between your two brothers, and fear Allah, so that you may be blessed with mercy. (Surah al-Hujurat 49:10)

Lesson: Brotherhood is a fact of faith, and repairing it when it breaks is a command, not a favour.

2. Hold fast to Allah’s rope together, and remember when He joined your hearts.

Allah says:

وَٱعْتَصِمُوا۟ بِحَبْلِ ٱللَّهِ جَمِيعًا وَلَا تَفَرَّقُوا۟ ۚ وَٱذْكُرُوا۟ نِعْمَتَ ٱللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذْ كُنتُمْ أَعْدَآءً فَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِكُمْ فَأَصْبَحْتُم بِنِعْمَتِهِۦٓ إِخْوَٰنًا وَكُنتُمْ عَلَىٰ شَفَا حُفْرَةٍ مِّنَ ٱلنَّارِ فَأَنقَذَكُم مِّنْهَا ۗ كَذَٰلِكَ يُبَيِّنُ ٱللَّهُ لَكُمْ ءَايَـٰتِهِۦ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَهْتَدُونَ

Hold fast, all of you, to the cord of Allah, and be not divided. Remember the blessing of Allah upon you: When you were enemies to each other, and He brought your hearts together, so that, you became brothers through His blessing. You were at the brink of a pit of Fire, then He saved you from it. This is how Allah makes His signs clear to you, so that you may take the right path. (Surah Aal-e-Imran 3:103)

Lesson: You were enemies and He united your hearts, so you became brothers by His favour — unity is a blessing to be guarded, not spent.

3. Prefer your brother over yourself, even when you are in need.

Allah says:

وَٱلَّذِينَ تَبَوَّءُو ٱلدَّارَ وَٱلْإِيمَـٰنَ مِن قَبْلِهِمْ يُحِبُّونَ مَنْ هَاجَرَ إِلَيْهِمْ وَلَا يَجِدُونَ فِى صُدُورِهِمْ حَاجَةً مِّمَّآ أُوتُوا۟ وَيُؤْثِرُونَ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ وَلَوْ كَانَ بِهِمْ خَصَاصَةٌ ۚ وَمَن يُوقَ شُحَّ نَفْسِهِۦ فَأُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ هُمُ ٱلْمُفْلِحُونَ

And (fai’ is also) for those who established themselves in the homeland (of Madīnah) and in faith before the former ones (arrived in Madīnah), who have love for those who emigrated to them, and do not feel in their hearts any ambition for what is given to the former ones (from fai’), and give preference (to them) over themselves, even though they are in poverty. -And those who are saved from the greed of their hearts are the successful.- (Surah al-Hashr 59:9)

Lesson: The Ansar loved those who emigrated to them and gave them preference over themselves in poverty — ithar is the highest rank of brotherhood.

4. The believing men and women are allies and protectors of one another.

Allah says:

وَٱلْمُؤْمِنُونَ وَٱلْمُؤْمِنَـٰتُ بَعْضُهُمْ أَوْلِيَآءُ بَعْضٍ ۚ يَأْمُرُونَ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَيَنْهَوْنَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَيُقِيمُونَ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَيُؤْتُونَ ٱلزَّكَوٰةَ وَيُطِيعُونَ ٱللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥٓ ۚ أُو۟لَـٰٓئِكَ سَيَرْحَمُهُمُ ٱللَّهُ ۗ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

The believers, male and female, are friends to each other. They bid virtue and forbid vice and establish Salāh and pay Zakāh and obey Allah and His Messenger. Those are the ones whom Allah will bless with mercy. Surely, Allah is Powerful, Wise. (Surah at-Tawbah 9:71)

Lesson: Brotherhood is active: they enjoin good, forbid evil, pray, give zakah and obey Allah and His Messenger together.

5. Do not suspect, spy on, or backbite one another.

Allah says:

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ ٱجْتَنِبُوا۟ كَثِيرًا مِّنَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِنَّ بَعْضَ ٱلظَّنِّ إِثْمٌ ۖ وَلَا تَجَسَّسُوا۟ وَلَا يَغْتَب بَّعْضُكُم بَعْضًا ۚ أَيُحِبُّ أَحَدُكُمْ أَن يَأْكُلَ لَحْمَ أَخِيهِ مَيْتًا فَكَرِهْتُمُوهُ ۚ وَٱتَّقُوا۟ ٱللَّهَ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ تَوَّابٌ رَّحِيمٌ

O you who believe, abstain from many of the suspicions. Some suspicions are sins. And do not be curious (to find out faults of others), and do not backbite one another. Does one of you like that he eats the flesh of his dead brother? You would abhor it. And fear Allah. Surely Allah is Most-Relenting, Very-Merciful. (Surah Al-Hujurat 49:12)

Lesson: Brotherhood dies by three quiet poisons: suspicion in the heart, spying with the eyes, and backbiting with the tongue. The verse guards all three doors at once.

1. Love for your brother what you love for yourself.

“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” This is the measuring scale of every friendship.

2. Never oppress your brother and never abandon him — help him, and Allah helps you.

“A Muslim is the brother of a Muslim: he does not wrong him and does not hand him over. Whoever is busy with his brother’s need, Allah is busy with his need; whoever relieves a Muslim of a distress, Allah relieves him of a distress of the Day of Resurrection.”

3. Hold together like a building — every part supports the rest.

The Prophet ﷺ interlaced his fingers and said: “The believer to the believer is like the building — one part of it strengthens another.”

4. Feel your brother’s pain like one body.

“The believers, in their mutual love, mercy and tenderness, are like the body: if one limb suffers, the whole body responds with sleeplessness and fever.”

5. Love your brother for Allah’s sake — it earns Allah’s shade.

Among the seven whom Allah will shade on the Day when there is no shade but His: two men who love each other for Allah’s sake — they meet upon it and part upon it.

6. Choose your companions with care — their state rubs off on you.

The example of the good companion and the bad companion is like the seller of perfume and the blower of the bellows: the first either gives you some perfume or you buy from him or find a pleasant scent; the second either burns your clothes or you find a foul smell.

7. The best companion is the one who is best to his companion.

“The best of companions in Allah’s sight is the best of them to his companion, and the best of neighbours in Allah’s sight is the best of them to his neighbour.” Rank is measured by how you treat the one beside you.

8. Never belittle a small kindness — even a cheerful face to your brother.

“Do not belittle any good deed, even if it is meeting your brother with a cheerful face.” A smile costs nothing and is written as charity.

9. Defend your brother’s honour when he is absent and people speak against him.

Whoever defends the honour of his brother in his absence, Allah will defend his face from the Fire on the Day of Resurrection.

10. Reconcile between brothers — the peacemaker is not a liar.

Umm Kulthum heard the Prophet ﷺ say: “He is not a liar who reconciles between people, conveying good or saying good.” Mending a friendship permits the words that heal it.

11. Cut out envy, hatred and turning away — and be brothers.

“Do not envy one another, do not hate one another, do not turn away from one another — and be, O servants of Allah, brothers.”

12. Never boycott your brother beyond three days — the better one greets first.

“It is not lawful for a Muslim to forsake his brother beyond three nights, each turning away when they meet; the better of the two is the one who begins with the salam.”