Etiquette of Istikhara & Consultation in the Quran & Sunnah

1. “…and consult them in the matter; then, when you have decided, rely upon Allah.”

Allah says:

فَبِمَا رَحْمَةٍ مِّنَ ٱللَّهِ لِنتَ لَهُمْ ۖ وَلَوْ كُنتَ فَظًّا غَلِيظَ ٱلْقَلْبِ لَٱنفَضُّوا۟ مِنْ حَوْلِكَ ۖ فَٱعْفُ عَنْهُمْ وَٱسْتَغْفِرْ لَهُمْ وَشَاوِرْهُمْ فِى ٱلْأَمْرِ ۖ فَإِذَا عَزَمْتَ فَتَوَكَّلْ عَلَى ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يُحِبُّ ٱلْمُتَوَكِّلِينَ

So, (O Prophet) it is through mercy from Allah that you are gentle to them. Had you been rough and hard-hearted, they would have dispersed from around you. So, pardon them, and seek Forgiveness for them. Consult them in the matter and, once you have taken a decision, place your trust in Allah. Surely, Allah loves those who place their trust in Him. (Surah Aal-e-Imran 3:159)

The order of the verse is the whole method: consultation with people first, decision, then tawakkul — Allah did not leave His own Prophet ﷺ without the counsel of his Companions.

2. “Whose affair is consultation among themselves.”

Allah says:

وَٱلَّذِينَ ٱسْتَجَابُوا۟ لِرَبِّهِمْ وَأَقَامُوا۟ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأَمْرُهُمْ شُورَىٰ بَيْنَهُمْ وَمِمَّا رَزَقْنَـٰهُمْ يُنفِقُونَ

and those who have responded to their Lord (in submission to Him), and have established Salāh, and whose affairs are (settled) with mutual consultation between them, and who spend out of what We have given to them, (Surah Ash-Shura 42:38)

Shura is listed among the marks of the believers, between prayer and spending — deciding together is itself an act of faith.

1. He ﷺ taught istikhara as he taught a surah of the Quran.

Jabir said: “The Prophet ﷺ used to teach us the Istikhara for each and every matter, just as he used to teach us the Suras from the Holy Qur’an.” No decision of the believer — marriage, trade, travel, work — is too small for it, and none is outside it.

Lesson: Istikhara is not reserved for the great crossroads; its teacher taught it “for each and every matter”.

2. Two rak‘ahs, then this dua — naming your need.

“If anyone of you intends to do something, he should offer a two-rak‘at prayer other than the obligatory prayer, and then say:”

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ، وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ، وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ، فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلاَ أَقْدِرُ، وَتَعْلَمُ وَلاَ أَعْلَمُ، وَأَنْتَ عَلاَّمُ الْغُيُوبِ، اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي ـ أَوْ قَالَ عَاجِلِ أَمْرِي وَآجِلِهِ ـ فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي، وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الأَمْرَ شَرٌّ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي ـ أَوْ قَالَ فِي عَاجِلِ أَمْرِي وَآجِلِهِ ـ فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ، وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ، ثُمَّ رَضِّنِي بِهِ

“O Allah, I seek Your guidance through Your knowledge, and I seek ability through Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty — for You are able and I am not, You know and I do not, and You are the Knower of the unseen. O Allah, if You know this matter to be good for me in my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair, then decree it for me; and if You know this matter to be bad for me in my religion, my livelihood and the end of my affair, then turn it away from me and turn me away from it, and decree good for me wherever it may be, then make me pleased with it.” Then he mentions his need by name.

Lesson: The dua itself contains no request for a dream: it asks for the matter to be decreed or turned away, and for a heart made pleased with the outcome. One prays, decides, and proceeds — watching how Allah facilitates or closes the doors.

3. The one consulted is a trustee.

“He who is consulted is trustworthy.” — the Prophet ﷺ placed the adviser in the position of an amanah: his counsel is a trust he must deliver honestly.

Lesson: Ask people of religion and experience; and when you are asked, answer as a trustee — not with flattery, envy or carelessness.

4. At Hudaybiyyah, he ﷺ acted on Umm Salamah’s counsel.

When the Companions, stunned by the treaty, did not rise to slaughter and shave, the Prophet ﷺ went in to Umm Salamah and told her of the people’s attitude. She said: “O Prophet of Allah, do you want your order carried out? Go out and say not a word to anyone until you slaughter your sacrifice and call your barber to shave your head.” He did exactly that — and the people rose and followed.

Lesson: The best of men took the counsel of his wife at the hardest public moment of his mission — consultation honours the giver and the taker alike.