Etiquette & Sunnahs of Funerals & Condolences in the Quran & Sunnah

1. When calamity strikes, say: “Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we return.”

Allah says:

ٱلَّذِينَ إِذَآ أَصَـٰبَتْهُم مُّصِيبَةٌ قَالُوٓا۟ إِنَّا لِلَّهِ وَإِنَّآ إِلَيْهِ رَٰجِعُونَ

who, when a suffering visits them, say: “We certainly belong to Allah, and to Him we are bound to return.” (Surah al-Baqarah 2:156)

Lesson: These are the words Allah praised: upon those who say them are blessings from their Lord and mercy — they are the first words of the bereaved and of everyone who consoles them.

2. Every soul shall taste death — and you will only be repaid in full on the Day of Resurrection.

Allah says:

كُلُّ نَفْسٍ ذَآئِقَةُ ٱلْمَوْتِ ۗ وَإِنَّمَا تُوَفَّوْنَ أُجُورَكُمْ يَوْمَ ٱلْقِيَـٰمَةِ ۖ فَمَن زُحْزِحَ عَنِ ٱلنَّارِ وَأُدْخِلَ ٱلْجَنَّةَ فَقَدْ فَازَ ۗ وَمَا ٱلْحَيَوٰةُ ٱلدُّنْيَآ إِلَّا مَتَـٰعُ ٱلْغُرُورِ

Every soul has to taste death. It is on the Day of Judgement that you shall be paid your rewards in full. So, whoever has been kept away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has really succeeded. The worldly life is nothing but an illusionary enjoyment. (Surah Aal-e-Imran 3:185)

Lesson: Death is not an accident that befalls others; it is the appointment of every living soul — the funeral reminds the attendee of his own return.

1. Following the funeral is one of the five rights of your brother.

“The rights of the Muslim over the Muslim are five: returning the salam, visiting the sick, following the funerals, answering the invitation, and answering the one who sneezes.”

2. Stay for the prayer — and stay for the burial: two qirats of reward.

“Whoever follows the funeral of a Muslim out of faith and hope of reward, and remains with it until he prays over it and finishes its burial, returns with two qirats of reward — each qirat like Mount Uhud.” Whoever prays and leaves before the burial has one qirat.

3. Hasten with the funeral procession — do not delay it.

“Hurry with the funeral: if it (the deceased) was righteous, you are advancing it to good; and if it was otherwise, you are putting evil down from your necks.”

4. Stand when a funeral passes by you.

A funeral passed and the Prophet ﷺ stood for it; it was said: it is the funeral of a Jew. He said: “Is it not a soul?” The standing honours the dead and reminds the living.

5. If you follow the bier, do not sit until it is put down.

“When you follow a funeral, do not sit until it is placed (on the ground).” The follower walks behind it in humility until the burial is complete.

6. In the funeral prayer, make dua for the deceased with the Prophet’s words.

اللَّهُمَّ اغْفِرْ لِحَيِّنَا وَمَيِّتِنَا، وَشَاهِدِنَا وَغَائِبِنَا، وَصَغِيرِنَا وَكَبِيرِنَا، وَذَكَرِنَا وَأُنْثَانَا

Allahumma ighfir li-hayyina wa mayyitina, wa shahidina wa gha’ibina, wa saghirina wa kabirina, wa dhakarina wa unthana — O Allah, forgive our living and our dead, those present and those absent, our young and our old, our males and our females. This was the dua of the Prophet ﷺ in the funeral prayer.

7. Console the bereaved with the Prophet’s own message of condolence.

When his daughter’s son died, he sent her this message: “Indeed, to Allah belongs what He took, and to Him belongs what He gave, and everything with Him is by an appointed term — so be patient and hope for the reward.” No words console better than these.

8. Tears are mercy — grieve without displeasing your Lord.

His eyes flowed with tears over his son Ibrahim, and he said: “The eye weeps and the heart grieves, and we do not say except what pleases our Lord — and we are indeed grieved at your parting, O Ibrahim.” Crying is not a failure of patience.

9. But never wail, strike the cheeks, or tear the garments.

“He is not of us who strikes the cheeks, splits the garments, and calls with the call of the Jahiliyyah.” Loud wailing harms the dead and the living; patience is quiet dignity with tears.

10. Prepare food for the bereaved family — grief has occupied them.

When the news of Ja‘far’s death came, the Prophet ﷺ said: “Make food for the family of Ja‘far, for there has come to them that which preoccupies them.” The mourners are fed; they do not feed the visitors.

11. After the burial, do not revile the dead — speak of them with restraint.

“Do not revile the dead, for they have reached what they sent ahead.” The account is closed; leave the deceased to the Most Just of judges.

12. After the burial, stand at the grave and ask forgiveness and firmness for him.

Whenever the Prophet ﷺ finished burying the dead, he would stand over him and say: “Seek forgiveness for your brother, and ask steadfastness for him, for he is now being questioned.” Do not rush away from the grave — its first moments are when your dua matters most.

13. Do not sit upon graves, and do not pray facing them.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “Do not sit on the graves, and do not pray facing them.” The resting places of the dead are honoured — not walked over, sat on, or used.

14. He hears your footsteps as you leave — so walk away gently.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “When a human being is laid in his grave and his companions return, he even hears their footsteps; then two angels come to him, make him sit, and ask him...” The burial is not the end of the meeting — it is its most serious moment.

15. Three things follow the dead to the grave — only one remains with him.

The Prophet ﷺ said: “A dead person is followed by three when he is carried to his grave: his family, his wealth and his deeds. Two return, and one remains with him: his family and his wealth go back, and his deeds remain.”