Etiquette of Raising Children in the Quran & Sunnah

1. Guard yourselves and your families from the Fire.

Allah says:

يَـٰٓأَيُّهَا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ قُوٓا۟ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا ٱلنَّاسُ وَٱلْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَـٰٓئِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ ٱللَّهَ مَآ أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ

O you who believe, save yourselves and your families from a fire, the fuel of which is human beings and stones, appointed on which are angels, stern and severe, who do not disobey Allah in what He orders them, and do whatever they are ordered to do. (Surah at-Tahrim 66:6)

Lesson: Tarbiyah is protection: the parent’s first duty is the child’s faith and safety in the Hereafter, before every worldly ambition.

2. Begin with tawhid — Luqman’s first lesson to his son.

Allah says:

وَإِذْ قَالَ لُقْمَـٰنُ لِٱبْنِهِۦ وَهُوَ يَعِظُهُۥ يَـٰبُنَىَّ لَا تُشْرِكْ بِٱللَّهِ ۖ إِنَّ ٱلشِّرْكَ لَظُلْمٌ عَظِيمٌ

(Remember) when Luqmān said to his son, while he was advising him, “My dear son, do not ascribe partners to Allah. Indeed, ascribing partners to Allah (shirk) is grave transgression.” (Surah Luqman 31:13)

Lesson: “O my son, do not associate anything with Allah; indeed, association is a tremendous wrong.” The wise father begins with the oneness of Allah, gently — “ya bunayya”, my dear son.

3. Teach prayer, enjoining good, and patience under hardship.

Allah says:

يَـٰبُنَىَّ أَقِمِ ٱلصَّلَوٰةَ وَأْمُرْ بِٱلْمَعْرُوفِ وَٱنْهَ عَنِ ٱلْمُنكَرِ وَٱصْبِرْ عَلَىٰ مَآ أَصَابَكَ ۖ إِنَّ ذَٰلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ ٱلْأُمُورِ

My dear son, establish Salāh , and bid the Fair and forbid the Unfair, and observe patience on what befalls you. Surely, this is among the matters of determination; (Surah Luqman 31:17)

Lesson: Luqman’s curriculum continues: establish the prayer, command what is right, forbid what is wrong, and bear with patience whatever befalls you.

4. Command your family to pray — and be steadfast upon it yourself.

Allah says:

وَأْمُرْ أَهْلَكَ بِٱلصَّلَوٰةِ وَٱصْطَبِرْ عَلَيْهَا ۖ لَا نَسْـَٔلُكَ رِزْقًا ۖ نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُكَ ۗ وَٱلْعَـٰقِبَةُ لِلتَّقْوَىٰ

Bid your family to perform Salāh, and adhere to it yourself. We ask no provision from you. We give provision to you. And the ultimate end is in favour of Taqwā (God-fearing, and piety). (Surah Taha 20:132)

Lesson: The order joins command with example: the parent who wants praying children is himself constant in prayer, and Allah promises the provision.

1. Train the prayer at seven — and take it seriously at ten.

“Command your children to pray when they are seven years old, and discipline them for (leaving) it when they are ten years old, and separate between them in their beds.” Gradual training, in stages, before accountability begins.

2. Teach the child to rely on Allah from his earliest years.

To the young Ibn ‘Abbas, riding behind him, the Prophet ﷺ said: “O boy, I teach you some words: be mindful of Allah and He will protect you... know that if the whole ummah gathered to benefit you, they would not benefit you except with what Allah has written for you.” Great creed, taught to a child, in simple words.

3. Be perfectly just between your children — even in gifts.

When Bashir gave one son a gift, the Prophet ﷺ asked: “Have you given all your children the like of this?” He said no. He said: “Fear Allah and be just between your children” — and refused to witness injustice. Favouritism plants the seeds of lifelong division.

4. Show mercy and affection openly — kiss your children.

He kissed al-Hasan ibn ‘Ali while al-Aqra‘ ibn Habis watched and said: I have ten children and I have never kissed any of them. The Prophet ﷺ looked at him and said: “Whoever does not show mercy will not be shown mercy.”

5. Do not push children away from worship — he prayed carrying his granddaughter.

The Messenger of Allah ﷺ used to pray while carrying Umamah, the daughter of his daughter Zaynab — when he prostrated he put her down, and when he stood he carried her again. Children raised near the prayer grow to love it.

6. Be considerate of children and their mothers in worship.

“I enter the prayer intending to prolong it, then I hear the crying of a child, so I shorten it — knowing how his crying distresses his mother.” Even the congregation’s worship bends around a child’s tears.

7. Raise a child whose prayers will reach you after your death.

A man’s rank in Paradise will be raised and he will ask: how is this for me? It will be said: “By your child’s seeking forgiveness for you.” The righteous child is the parent’s continuing charity.

8. Train children to fast gradually — with play, not pressure.

Ar-Rubayyi‘ bint Mu‘awwidh said: after the fast of ‘Ashura was made binding, “we used to fast on that day and make our boys fast as well; and we used to make toys of wool for the boys” — so the children were carried through the fast with gentleness until the time of breaking it.

9. Do not rush a child off your back in prayer — he lengthened his prostration for his grandson.

The Prophet ﷺ came out for one of the night prayers carrying Hasan (or Husayn). He put him down, began the prayer, and in one prostration stayed so long that a man raised his head — the child had climbed onto his back, and he had not wanted to hurry him off it.